Struggles

They happen in real life and I'm not about to hide them. As you all know already, Oralee got sick on Friday and had shown some improvement by Saturday and Sunday. Night time was still a major issue with her and I called her in on Monday because of the rough night she had on Sunday night.

And let me tell you, that child was UPSET that I called her in too! She raged at me about it. I know she was sick and wouldn't be able to focus in school and needed a day home to just be able to recoup, but man alive! She was angry. She was talking about how she had science class and how she doesn't like science class but she learns during it and how she was going to miss it. If you followed that one better than I did, kudos to you because she lost me on it. She doesn't like it, but she was upset that she was missing it? Yeah. I don't know.

She was also completely convinced that she is never going to be able to go back to school again. You know, because she missed one day. Yep, one day out of school and now she is a kindergarten drop-out. I know, I shouldn't jest, but seriously? The child is intense.

So today, we were home and I was still feeling under the weather myself. It seems that every single time I ingest something, I have sharp, hot, stabbing pains in my stomach that last for hours. It's bad. And I have been moody today. Like chewing out the whole entire world moody. I was hurting and people kept doing things that upset me. Which is true. People were doing things that upset me. But I also had a choice in how I handled it. And needless to say, I did not handle it well.

The only thing that I handled at least moderately well was dealing with my mother-in-law chewing me out for something that I had nothing to do with. She knows that I had nothing to do with it, had no knowledge of what happened, yet still felt it would benefit somehow to chew me out for 30 minutes (on a day I am not feeling well, mind you!). Actually, I hope it helped her to relieve some of her stress because she needed it. But even still, it wasn't something that I did, had any part in doing or even knew about and I still got to spend half an hour of my day on the phone listening to her yell about it.

And actually, maybe I should have said something more than what I did (which wasn't much) but I just don't know really how to handle that kind of situation. It has been my experience for many years that when someone has their mind made up about something and they are set in their way of thinking, it really doesn't do much good to try and convince them otherwise. But in not sticking up for myself, I don't know if that indicates somehow to her that I am at fault for what was upsetting her? I don't honestly know.

And even though, we are both grown adult women, she is somehow still like an authority over me. Maybe that's just the way that I was raised. My grandmother was still very much an authority over my mother and so I can see that somewhat being the way those kind of relationships are supposed to be. But at the same time, I am now (and have been for the past 12 years) the authority figure over my mother as well. That's a whole other story though.

So today, I am struggling. My mother-in-law is mad at me, I have been horribly moody to my own family, I have been sick and in pain for most of the day. I am depressed too. I feel like there are a lot of negative things happening right now and I don't know exactly what to do about it.

Oh - and my own younger brother called me yesterday and left me a voicemail message cussing me out for not doing my mom's yardwork. You know, since I'm just sitting around all day eating bon-bons and such. He was upset because he had to do her yardwork for her, which simply was not the case. But regardless, it seems that this weekend and Monday, the only thing I was successful at doing was igniting the anger of everyone around me.

I feel like I'm not enough. Like I am somehow failing EVERY single person in my life. And I know in my head that really, that's not the case, but sometimes the way you perceive something ends up being more powerful than reality.

However, I finally finished reading a great book today on my Kindle app (for the computer) although, I cannot even begin to tell you which book it was. I'd have to go through and try to figure that out based on the books that show they have been read completely through. But there was a quote in the book that I absolutely loved. "You are not truly sorry if you are still blaming someone else for your actions." Kathryn Cushman. A Promise to Remember (p. 267). Kindle Edition. Okay, so I decided that it was worth looking for. For some odd reason, it didn't show up as me having read through the whole book but I forgot that the app had an error and closed itself down so that is probably why. I plan to do a review of this book later on, but I just wanted to share this one line from there. Incredible line isn't it?

That fact that it hit home when I read it is part of the reason that I needed to share it with you though. No matter how I have been (or just perceive to have been) wronged by others, my bad attitude today was mine and mine alone. Granted, I shared it with just about everyone. But it was MINE.

It doesn't matter that my mother-in-law was blaming me for something that I had nothing to do with. Or that my brother left me a message on me out on the phone for something that I honestly had not had time to take care of. Or that Hubby did not make sure that Cephas had violin after school on Friday yet specifically told me that he had sent him back in to get it. Or that because of said missing violin that BOTH Cephas and Koren missed their music lessons this evening. Or that housework wasn't getting done today because I was literally barely able to move from the couch today. (Seriously - I have had ONE bathroom trip ALL day long! I even ate my ONE meal laying on the couch.) Or that Hubby didn't seem inspired to help out as much I thought he should have. No matter what happens, I have a choice in how I perceive it and how I respond to it.

Today, I struggled. I took everything as a personal attack (some were but still...) and I responded in a poor manner. Those were both my choice to make. I didn't make the right one. But I am now. I was rude, short-tempered and moody. Today I struggled but I know that my family forgives me. They know I am truly sorry. I don't blame them. It wasn't them. It was me. Things like those listed in the previous paragraph happen quite frequently. Generally, they don't affect me the way it did today. But there's always tomorrow and it will be better. But for today, I am sorry.

Thirty Thankful Days - Day 7

Today I am thankful for my ability to be involved in my kids' education. I was supposed to be working in Oralee's classroom this morning and then in Cephas' classroom afterwards. But due to our illnesses, it didn't happen. Just the same, it is absolutely wonderful to be able to be fully involved in their classrooms and to be able to see my children during their school day. I have yet to be able to make arrangements to be in Koren or Jeriah's rooms but I plan to email to make those kind of arrangements to be in their classrooms once a week as well.

I am in Oralee's classroom every other Monday for an hour and a half and in Cephas' classroom every Monday for as long as his teacher needs me. I have days available to be in Jeriah and Koren's classrooms as well. I'm trying to decide if I should make it an all-day Monday thing. Help out in Jeriah's classroom from the start of his school day for an hour or so and then head on over to Koren's classroom and be there til the end of the school day? I can definitely see that working out well! I do know that Koren's teacher could use help on Thursdays stuffing the students' Thursday Folders. Maybe I could go in and do that for all three of the older kids' classes. But really, the bottom line is that I love being in the classroom and if I could, I would love to teach. Maybe that is something to look into though. I am still so undecided on what I want to do for my professional career. Someday, I will decide what I want to do. But until then, I am happy and thankful for this opportunity to be able to be with the kids.

Menu Plan Monday - 11/7

Well, here we go. We're gearing up towards Thanksgiving! And towards the increased food prepared for the holiday as well. Some of my pre-Thanksgiving menu planning will begin this week.

Monday, November 7, 2011
Tuna mac casserole
(Music lessons so will need to be pre-made)

Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Chicken noodle soup

Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Chicken and cheese enchiladas
(Church group so will need to be pre-made)

Thursday, November 10, 2011
Kids' choice
(Pack meeting so will need to be pre-made)

Friday, November 11, 2011
Lasagna

Saturday, November 12, 2011
(L) Bread bowl chili
(11 am college football game so will need to pre-made)
(D) Homemade pizzas

Sunday, November 13, 2011
(L) Broiled chicken, potatoes and veggies
(Church before hand so will need to be pre-prepped)
(D) Beef brisket, potatoes and veggies

Thirty Thankful Days - Day 6

Okay, in all honesty, this one may sound kind of weird but today, I am thankful for my Hubby's friends and for their ongoing plans for Saturday nights. I know that it is good for the two of us to have some of our own friends, our own interests. Not so many years ago, I thought that we had to do everything together and the only friends we should have are the ones that we have together. It wasn't healthy nor right, but all I wanted was for everything to be even and equal. Yet today, I am so thankful that they are not all equal and even. I am thankful that we have our own friends and our own interests. I am thankful for the way these things allow us to grow and experience other things. It is truly wonderful.

So today, I say thank you to Ratt, Tiny, Squish, Rolo and Nate for being such awesome friends to my Hubby and for having your usual Saturday night plans every week. You guys rejuvenate my Hubby and he looks forward to his time with you guys all week long!

Intentional Acts of Kindness - Days 1-6

I decided to list these acts of kindness out once a week on Sundays, so here goes:

Tuesday, November 1st, 2011
I went over to my mom's house and took her out to do some grocery shopping. It was later in the evening and I was tired, but I did it anyhow. I actually ended up having a pretty nice evening with her. She also asked me to check on a few things for her in her house, which I also did.

Wednesday, November 2nd, 2011
We had our home visit with Jeriah's teacher today and Hubby was SO tired. I had been up much of the night helping my mom with things and getting other things ready for the kids for school, so I was tired as well. Regardless, once we got home, I had him go lay down and I stayed up to get Jeriah off to school before laying down and taking a nap myself. That was extremely hard to do.

Thursday, November 3rd, 2011
On this particular evening, we went out to the mall for a little bit and while there, I picked up a few items to put into a box for a donation to our local mission.

Friday, November 4th, 2011
I was home taking care of a sick child most of this particular day. I did let kids watch a movie on this day after they had their homework and chores done.

Saturday, November 5th, 2011
I was battling the sickness that Oralee had on this day and as such, I let the kids do a minimum amount of chores and they also had more screen time than they normally would have. I know that this doesn't particularly count, but we didn't go anywhere or do anything and I barely made it off the couch this day, so I think it counts. Plus, kindness begins at home, right?

Sunday, November 6, 2011
Well, this one is honestly tied to Saturday as well, but here it is. Even though, I was battling the sickness that I inherited from Oralee (who was better by the way), I encouraged Hubby to stick with his plans to spend time with his friends. They have standing plans to get together on Saturday evenings. Generally speaking, they get done around midnight and Hubby is almost always home by 1am. On this particular night/morning, Hubby didn't get home until around 3am, which would have been 4am had it not been for the time change. Anyhow, even though he was out three hours later than I expected him to be, I didn't get mad at him for it. I knew that he had missed seeing his friends and was enjoying himself. He hadn't seen them the last few weeks because of his work schedule.

Also, while he was gone, I was able to talk to an old friend of ours. As it turns out, this particular friend really needed someone to just listen to him, which I did. This friend of ours is really facing some personal challenges right now and I hope that by being there for him to talk to and lean on, I was able to help him in some small way.

Some things I want to do this coming week:
(MON) Take my mom out to run errands
(TUE) Take a load of donation items to the local mission
(WED) Check on the possibility of serving the community somehow
(THU) Taking part in a volunteer advisory committee for our school system
(FRI) Volunteer at the kids' school (outside of my normal hours)
(SAT) Take the kids out to a park to pick up litter
(SUN) Volunteer in the church nursery

You can click the picture above to be taken to the linky where all these Intentional Acts of Kindness are taking place!

Thirty Thankful Days - Day 5

Today is Day 5 of 30 Thankful Days. I have one sick kiddo and I had a laundry room overflowing with things needing to be washed. Mostly bedding. We'll leave it at that. And you know what? I am thankful for that. I am thankful that I am able to be here with my little Oralee while she is sick. I am thankful that I have a laundry room in which to take care of the linens as they were dirtied.

My mother-in-law took the kids overnight on Thursday night due to our work schedules and when Oralee came home from school on Friday, she had a cough. Around 6pm, she asked to change into her pajamas. That was my first sign that she wasn't feeling well. My poor little doll was up all night, coughing and feeling just miserable. I stayed up with her and cycled the laundry through and watched old reruns of Reba on TV.

Special, sweet times taking care of my little princess. Hope she feels better soon though! I don't like for my kiddos to be sick.

Thirty Thankful Days - Day 4

This is Day 4 of the 30 Thankful Days. Today I am thankful for my mother-in-law being willing to take the kids overnight last night. We both had been called in to work and she was willing to take the kids pretty much at the last minute.

The kids love to spend time at their grandma's house. I am happy that they enjoy their time over there and I also am happy that my mother-in-law lives close enough that we are able to have the kids go over there on short notice.

During the month of October, my inlaws were out of state quite a bit and it was hard. Not because of the daycare thing but because I realized that I actually missed them. It was odd. I don't spend time hanging out with them or anything. My mother-in-law and I have a real touch and go relationship. We get along most of the time, but we definitely have had our falling outs over the years. But overall, I have to admit that I actually am really lucky to have her in my life. And today, I am also thankful for my mother-in-law and for having her in my life.