31 Days...Day 4...Chores for Kids

The theme behind my 31 Days of... posts will be "31 Days of Homemaking". It will be 31 posts about anything related to homemaking, you know, making a home. Whether it has to do with parenting, housework, organization, crafts, whatever. As long as it falls under the definition of making a home, it counts.

Day 4 - 

Today is Thursday, October 4th, 2012. Today's topic is "Chores for Kids."

It is my strong desire that when my children are grown and move out of our home, that they are able to keep a home. I want that for my boys as well as my girls. At this season in our lives, while we are getting this housework monster under control and I am getting back to teaching them how to clean and maintain a house, this is the end goal that I have in mind. I want them to be able to keep a home.

At this point in time, I am not even working on the actual cleaning of a home. At this point in time, my goal is simply for them to learn what it means to just thoroughly pick up a room. And to teach them the responsibility to do it well, with a sense of pride in having a clutter-free home. Or at the very least, one where it is kept in check. That's been a long road on my part and I'm still traveling down that path to a much more clutter-free home.

Anyhow, to instill the idea of what a clutter-free home should look like, to gain some assistance around the house, to give the kids some ownership over our home, I have given them each a series of chores that reflect their ages.

Cephas is eleven. So he has eleven chores. They are all in the living room (well, I guess one is on the front porch) and they basically just cover keeping flat surfaces from getting filled up and to keep an eye on the hotspots that occur over time. One in particular, the space under our sectional. I don't know what it is about that area, but it constantly has to be cleaned out.

In addition to his chore room, he also has five regular chores to do in his bedroom (as do all of the kids). I expect them to do these chores, in their entirety, every single day, with only a rare exception. For the most part, it happens as planned.

Now, you may wonder what chores I would give to an 11 year old in a single room that would just include tidying it up, but not actually cleaning the room. I'll show you.

Clear off side table

Clear off TV stand

Clear off cedar chest

Clear off couch

Clean under couch cushions

Clean under couch

Clear off entry table

Straighten entry area

Pick up floor area

Straighten shoe area

Tidy the front porch

* * * * * * * * * * *

Tidy bed

Clear off bookshelf

Clear off dresser

Pick up bedroom floor

Take dirty laundry to bathroom

I'm sure you can guess, but the five chores at the bottom are the ones for his room.

You may be asking yourself why I have such a laid out and detailed (when it is a no-brainer) list of what to do to merely pick up a room. But you see, this is where the ADHD comes in for Cephas. It is where the Aspergers comes in for Jeriah. And the possible Aspergers for Cephas. And the slight OCD tendencies that Koren shows. For Cephas, it helps keep him on track and keeps him from asking me very couple of minutes, "Is this good now?" I can simply redirect him to the list and ask him to look at the list, then look at the room. If there is something that is not neat and tidy, it still needs to be done. He is eleven. By all means, he should be able to look at a room and tell what needs to be done to it on his own. But he doesn't., because he can't.

For Koren, this kind of list helps him to reduce his OCD tendencies. He needs some kind of guideline to know that okay, this is enough. He doesn't have to continue working on it indefinitely. He doesn't have to get it all perfect. As long as the items on his list are neat and tidy, even if the vacuuming isn't done, the windows aren't washed, the frames aren't all dusted, the books on the bookshelf aren't perfectly lined up, it is still okay. He needs this. Jeriah needs the list as a visual idea of what he has to do. It's a motivational thing for him. For Oralee, it keeps her on track most of the time. Which she needs, because her chores are spread out. She has two in the kitchen, three in the dining room and one in the hallway. She can easily lose her place. This is a tool to help her.

I will post later on "Motivating Kids" and tell how we use these current sets of chores to motivate our children.

31 Days...Day 3...Time Management

The theme behind my 31 Days of... posts will be "31 Days of Homemaking". It will be 31 posts about anything related to homemaking, you know, making a home. Whether it has to do with parenting, housework, organization, crafts, whatever. As long as it falls under the definition of making a home, it counts.

Day 3 - 

Today is Wednesday, October 3rd, 2012. Today's topic is "Time Management."

As a work-at-home mom, I find my time to be a difficult area to, well, manage. I think the biggest issue with this is simply in the fact that I have a hard time with "at home" portion of my role. I feel like I am gone more than I am at home, and some weeks, that is definitely the case. Other weeks, it may not be the case, but the house still suffers due to lack of time management while I am here.

So, this is what I have done to combat that issue. It has worked for me, it may or may not work for you. I'm sharing so that if there is something in this that might work (or that might work with some tweaking of what I do) that it could help you.

One of my issues lies in the fact that during the week, I have a number of places that I need to go. In the morning, I need to take my children to school, three mornings a week, I pick up the little girl that I take care of from her mom. And on a fourth day, I drop her off at the same time in the morning. This does not line up with the time my children go to school, however. It happens two hours later. So I have a two hour window where I can either run errands alone or come home and work on the house. My problem was that I often would run a few errands and then waste a little bit of time, just sitting in the lot at her mother's work, waiting for them to show up.

Instead, I have changed that to coming home and cleaning up what I call "the four outer rooms", which would be our living room, our den, our kitchen and our dining room. They are all open to one another, but don't exactly have the whole "great room" thing going on. They are very separate rooms, except for the den and the living room. My goal most mornings is to come home and do a quick pick up in these rooms. Doing things like, clearing off flat surfaces, unloading/reloading the dishwasher, picking up the floor areas (somehow, they end up with random things on them during our morning routine that don't get picked up before we leave - I know, I'm still working on that), starting a load of laundry, wiping down the table and counters, sweeping and vacuuming. Things that are quick and easy and that don't take much effort but make a huge difference.

On Thursdays, though, I often meet my best friend, Bree, at the grocery store in that time frame to do our weekly shopping. It's a stolen moment during the week that we have together. But there will be more on that in another post (Friendships).

After I pick up the little girl, two days of the week, I have to run her to school. This also happens to occur almost two hours after that point in time. So on those days, between the time I get her to my house from her mom's work and the time we have to leave to take her to school, I have about an hour and a half. I have been using that time to do baking projects with her. She enjoys it, I enjoy it. The kids have afterschool snacks that way and it also gives her some valuable lessons on working in the kitchen. Plus, it's just plain ol' fun.

In the afternoons, if I have used my mornings well, I have very little that I need to do and can spend that time on projects around the house, handiwork, craft work, planning, blogging, reading, or even occasionally, taking a nap (on the days the little girl isn't here in the afternoon). And once a week, having lunch with Bree (another stolen moment - also in "Friendships")

After school, Hubby is usually the one to pick the kids up from school. They come home and we spend time on homework, snack, chores, dinner, then our evening activities (of which until next week, has been mostly sporting and scouting - this is our last week of sporting for about a month) then getting ready for the next day. Some of this will be touched on later as well, in posts entitled "Chores for Kids," "Chores for Mom," "Meals and Menus" and "Family Activities."

So our basic daily routine runs like this:

• Get up and get myself ready
• Get kids up and get them ready
• Take kids to school and drop them off
• Go home and do some quick, light housework (or Thursday grocery shopping with Bree)
• Pick up or drop off the little girl (Angel)
• Go home, work on baking or housework
• Make lunch, eat and clean up
• Take Angel to school
• Come home, continue to work on housework or home projects or personal projects (once a week, have lunch with Bree)
• Hubby gets off work, spend some time with him
• Hubby gets kids from school
• Homework, snack, chores
• Make, eat and clean up dinner
• Evening/family activities
• Kids' bedtime routines (also a separate post "Bedtime Routines")
• Personal time

So hopefully, that will give you some idea of the importance of planning and making the most of the time you have available. Right now, I have four kids, I take care of six additional children throughout the week. All four of my kids are in sports. We have two different sports at three different fields and life is just busy. I also Visit Teach once a month (or twice, depending on how scheduling works out with everyone) and I am Primary teacher in church. Needless to say, my plate is full. But it is all do-able and every so often, I find that something isn't working and that I have to adjust it a bit. So I do and it works again until it doesn't and then I readjust again.

31 Days...Day 2...Friendships

The theme behind my 31 Days of... posts will be "31 Days of Homemaking". It will be 31 posts about anything related to homemaking, you know, making a home. Whether it has to do with parenting, housework, organization, crafts, whatever. As long as it falls under the definition of making a home, it counts.

Day 2 - 

Today is Tuesday, October 2nd, 2012. Today's topic is about Friendships. Now you may wonder what Friendships have to do with Homemaking, and I will tell you about a couple of mine and how it relates to this month's chosen topic.

This is a picture of my Grandma K (on the right) with her best friend, Granny T (on the left, looking at something going on in another area). Granny T is the Great-Grandmother of my best-friend, Bree. These two ladies were incredible on their own and their friendship was awesome! They were great role models for Bree and myself.

These two ladies were a huge support to each others and to their families and to each other's families as well. As such, Bree and I learned a lot from them about doing this as well. At the point in time when these two fine ladies were best friends, their grandkids were having kids, so they weren't at the same stage in life that Bree and I are but the same principles apply.

You see, my Grandma K would call Granny T every morning and they would chat for a few minutes before starting their day. Granny T would call my Grandma K and they would chat for a few minutes every evening before calling it a night. No day was started or ended without this phone call. Now, Bree and I aren't quite like that, but rare is a day that goes by without us talking on the phone. (And I don't even like to talk on the phone.)

Our grandmas would have lunch together 2-3 times a week at one of the local senior centers. My Grandma K would stop by Granny T's house and pick her up and off they'd go to the senior center, where they'd enjoy their meal and good conversation, cards and (on Fridays) Bingo for prizes. It was just what they did.

Bree and I don't have the opportunity (most weeks) to get together 2-3 times, but we are also in a completely different season of life than our Grandmas were. However, we do make it a point to get together once a week for a lunch. We rotate weekly where we eat. One week we eat at my house, one week at her house, one week, we eat out at a restaurant. (Rinse and repeat all year long.)

My Grandma K would also pick up Granny T and together they'd "get along to town to do their trading" aka go grocery shopping. And just for the record, we live in a sizable city. There was no "getting to town" involved. They lived one mile from the grocery store. Actually, one mile from multiple grocery stores, just saying.

Bree and I often meet up and do our shopping together. Most of the time it is after we drop our kids off at school and we will each drive to the grocery store and do our shopping. We visit while we shop and it is wonderfully zen time for us. No kids, no husbands, just us. And I suppose there are other shoppers there as well, but for all that we notice, we are the only ones around.

We also have our kids in some similar activities and we see each other there as well (though we usually have kids we are busy corralling or trying to keep quiet or something similar) and that is a total bonus. As is the fact that her seven year old and my six year old are becoming quiet the pair of best friends themselves.

But the nice thing about all of this - and how it relates to homemaking - is that we have the chance and opportunity to share our lives with each other. We share the good and the bad. We comfort and are comforted by the other, we bounce ideas off each other, we meal plan, we share cleaning tips and tricks, budgeting ideas, parenting helps, marriage stuff. It all works together to help mold us into better wives, mothers and homemakers. I think everyone should have someone like this. My Grandma K had Granny T, I have Bree, Oralee has S (Bree's daughter). It's great.

Who is your best friend? Do they help you to become a better wife, mother, homemaker or person? How?

31 Days...Day 1...Budgets

The theme behind my 31 Days of... posts will be "31 Days of Homemaking". It will be 31 posts about anything related to homemaking, you know, making a home. Whether it has to do with parenting, housework, organization, crafts, whatever. As long as it falls under the definition of making a home, it counts.

Day 1 - 

Today is Monday, October 1st, 2012. First of all, today is Jeriah's fifth birthday. Happy Birthday, Jeriah! Secondly, today's topic will be "Budgets," as it is an area of our lives that I have been working hard on.

I am going to share more on this subject than I have ever planned to share online about such a private matter, but here goes.

Our monthly income is $2641.00.

This is how we break our income down:

2641.00
-765.00 food
1876.00

- 500.00 savings
 1376.00
- 240.00 fuel
 1136.00
- 335.00 lot rent
   801.00
- 200.00 electric
   601.00
- 200.00 cable/internet/home phone
   401.00
- 125.00 phone
   276.00
- 125.00 student loans
   151.00
-   60.00 household supplies 
     91.00
-   30.00 gym membership
     61.00
-    10.00 netflix account
     51.00

Now, you may notice that I have taken this line by line through our budget. But there are a few notes I want to add in about.

Our food budget is high. We have six people in our family and the budgeted amount is based off of "Official USDA Food Plans: Cost of Food at Home at Four Levels, U.S. Average, August 2012" guidelines using the thrifty plan. While those guidelines put us at an average of 915.30 for our family of six, our budget is $150.00 less than that. I still think that $765.00 seems like quite a bit as well, but we just carry over the food budget from month to month for when the price of food increases (last year from flooding, this year from drought, so on and so forth). We also have additional people that eat with us as well. In a typical week, we have at least 11 meals shared with at least one more person, but most often, it is more meals and more people.

Next up, is our savings plan of $500.00 per month. This is a recent addition to our budget. I think this is a nice even amount to deduct each month. We have it divided up though. Part of it (40%) is long-term savings, part of it (20%) is short-term savings (for big ticket items), part of it (20%) is savings for gifts and such, and another part of it (20%) is for unexpected expenses or infrequent expenses (insurance premiums, home repairs, car repairs and maintenance, etc.)

We both have vehicles (paid off) and our only monthly fee for those are for our fuel. I based our fuel cost on roughly $4.00/gallon. Lately, it has been closer to $3.75/gallon so we are keeping the excess reserved for those times when the price may increase to more than $4.00/gallon. We roll the excess allotment over from month to month, when there is one and we use the excess when we take road trips to visit family or friends here and there throughout the year. If we accumulate a fair amount of money in this area, we will use it toward a down payment on a newer vehicle when we need one.

Our home is paid for free and clear. The only housing payment we have is for the land our home sits on, which runs us a mere $335.00 per month, which I think is pretty reasonable.

I over-budget for our electric bill as well. We roll this amount over from month to month as well. When we have enough excess in this area, we will use it for things like new windows, new appliances, new HVAC unit, etc. to help with our energy efficiency. I'd love to use it for solar panels, but not sure if that is realistic.)

Our cable bill is also over-budgeted. We do have basic cable, digital cable, DVR service, internet service with a faster download speed and home phone. And even with all of that, our budgeted amount is still almost double what our actual bill is. I really have no plans for the excess amount in this area, unlike the other areas, but it's nice to know that it is there. I suppose that amount would eventually be used toward the purchase of new electronics (TV, computer, audio, etc.)

Our cell phones (two of them - both smartphones) run $125.00 a month, with no contract and unlimited everything. We love our plan!

Student loans. What can I say? Blech.

Household supplies is a small portion of my monthly budget because we really don't spend all that much on this department. I buy in bulk as needed and usually, I don't have to replace big bulk items all at once. Some of our household supplies come out of our grocery budget (things like baking soda and vinegar) and I can get many personal care items for free or next to nothing by watching the sales and the coupons and pairing them up together.

Our gym membership is SO worth it to me. Between the activities for the kids, the fitness and activities for us, the free childcare, etc, it has well proven it's value far beyond the cost.

We have a netflix account. This has been a lifesaver! We stream mostly through our Wii or our computers. I love being able to go in and watch complete seasons of TV shows. Tonight, we used it for a show that we don't have recorded on DVR to settle down a toddler that was going to be staying the night here for the first time. It worked very nicely!

And that leaves us with just a small amount unaccounted for. Hubby and I use that amount for our rare date night dinners out or things like that.

I think the key to budgeting is to get an idea of what and where you spend your money each month, by tracking it for a few months and then make your decisions based off of that. You can see where you need to trim your budget and where you should just cut things out of it.

I also make a small, varying amount of money each month, but since it varies, I don't factor this in to our budget and just stick it into savings or use it for extra things that the kids need or that we want but don't want to take it out of our regular budget, etc.

The hardest part of a budget isn't really so much of coming up with it or setting it, it's sticking to the budget that is really hard. I don't have any real tips for that. I still feel like I get to shop quite often, but I tend to really watch for sales, buy used from other people (which saves money and reduces waste) and once you get started trying to save as much as possible, it becomes almost like a challenge, trying to save more and more each month. I love it!

If you have any questions about my budget or about making or setting your own budget, feel free to leave a comment and I will do my best to help you out as well.

This post is part of a series hosted by The Nesting Place. You should go and see what others are posting about this month as well!

31 Days of Homemaking

The theme behind my 31 Days of... posts will be "31 Days of Homemaking". It will be 31 posts about anything related to homemaking, you know, making a home. Whether it has to do with parenting, housework, organization, crafts, whatever. As long as it falls under the definition of making a home, it counts.

I have been working these past few months on doing things to make our home more comfortable and more of a sanctuary for those who live here (as well as for those who don't live here apparently - but that's another story completely!) and now is the time to post about some of those things. So welcome!

You can also go and visit The Nester to see other blogs and what people are doing for their 31 days as well.

Just Because

I don't really have anything to type about right now, but I can always come up with SOMETHING. Just because my brain works like that. It's 2:00 in the morning and I should be asleep. I'm exhausted to be honest, but I'm up waiting for Hubby's work pants to get done in the dryer so that I can take them out and lay them out with the rest of his clothes for the morning.

Normally, we would have had all of this done quite a while before this point in the night, but tonight, not so much. We are house-sitting for my inlaws. They are off backpacking in Colorado or Wyoming or somewhere. (Their initial plan was for Colorado, but they weren't sure if they would be able to hike any 14'ers there so they figured they might have to go to Wyoming instead.)

But anyhow, the kids and I had a busy day cleaning house and getting things nice and neat because I knew that we were going to be coming over here sometime this evening. I also knew that I had some errands to run that I didn't get done earlier in the week. I tell you, I like to group my errands together, but when the heat is the way it has been, I am good for an errand or two, as long as they are somewhat in the same area. I don't like to be outdoors any longer than I absolutely have to. It's just miserable. Plus, I have always had a hard time releasing heat from my body, so that makes it even worse.

When Hubby got home, I ran out to do our errands while he and the kids stayed home and did some things around the house. Cephas wanted to mow. He has been begging all week to be allowed to mow, so Hubby let him do it today. Hubby also took the seats out of our van and loaded up some laundry into the van. Now, when I say "some" laundry, what I really mean is like ten totes worth of laundry. I had been going through clothes and then something came up and then the clothes got moved to the floor instead of my bed and then they got stepped on and then they got left there, so on and so forth. Anyhow, he gathered a bunch of it up and brought it over. Now, I am rewashing everything again so that I can go through it all and make sure what I am going to do with it. I know that there is more there than what we need for our six family members, plus the babysitting kids (I always have a few extra items on hand for them - just in case something were to happen) but even still, it's a mountain.

Well, Hubby's work shirt went into the first load I washed and somehow, his work pants went into the third load. Sigh. One of these days I will get it together. Maybe. Okay, probably not. But maybe I'll get better at pretending that I have it all together. Nah. :)

Tomorrow, I am going to continue to work on the mountain of laundry that Hubby decided to bring over here and go through it all. I am also going to be going back to our house and have the kids work on some extra chores there. It was so easy to see some extra things that needed to be done when I ran back there this evening to grab hangers (yeah, we forgot to bring the hangers. I could fold everything but then that just creates more work yet again, and believe me when I say that I don't need to borrow extra work). The house was just so empty and quiet. It was weird. I did a few things while I was there but since it was already late, I didn't want to take too long to get back down here, so now I have a list in my head of things that I want to go home tomorrow during the day and work on with the kids.

Tomorrow night, I am picking up BabyCakes from his daycare center and bringing him back to the inlaw's house. He'll spend the weekend here with us. While we are here, I am just doing laundry, watering the yard/plants/garden/whatever (I do NOT have a green thumb whatsoever so I'm doing my best!) and just making the house look lived in. Saturday afternoon, I want to go home and work on some stuff there and maybe even leave the kids here with Hubby while I do that. It will give BabyCakes a chance to see his dad too by doing that.

Then on Sunday, it's off to church and then take BabyCakes back to his dad and then work on our house some, come back here, tidy up the inlaw's house and then head on home in the evening. Thankfully, Hubby has Sunday off each week, so I can plan on him to help out with this stuff. After that, Monday will be my slowest day of the week and Tuesday begins the million mile a minute roller coaster ride that will be my new normal for the next few weeks.

I am so excited to have Calla and Angel around. I just can't wait. I'd like to get my house all caught up and organized and spotlessly cleaned, but let's be honest here. That isn't going to happen. So I will be happy with the house being neat and appear to be clutter free until the time comes this fall when I can make the reality much closer to the vision in my head.

See? I told you that I could make words happen even though I "didn't really have anything to type about," like I said earlier. It's now about half an hour later and I only have another half an hour to waste before checking on Hubby's pants. Maybe I might try resting for that time.

Fireworks and Meltdowns

There are so many different things that the title of this post could possibly refer to, such as: the heat around here, the wildfires in surrounding states, the fireworks, whatever. But this isn't about any of that, although they may all make it further into this post before I'm done.

I'm talking about emotional meltdowns. When my kids really get going, I fully and completely expect to see a big ol' puddle of Cephas or Koren, Oralee or Jeriah just laying there on the ground. Thankfully, it is a figurative term and not a literal one because with the heat around here, they probably would have evaporated in an hour's time. (Heat - further mention - 1 for 3)

Our city allows fireworks to be sold and lit only on July 3rd and July 4th. There are nearby towns that allow fireworks sales prior to that (something like up to ten days in advance of the 4th?) but here in the city, you are out of luck til the 3rd. (Fireworks - further mention - 2 for 3)

Our city's big holiday hoopla actually happens on the 3rd as well. Multimillion dollar display, free activities for the day for families, it's a great event and a great idea. However, with the heat indexes being over 100 and the humidity making it dangerous to even be outside (your body cannot efficiently cool itself), we had made the decision not to attend this year.

We went last year. Hubby, myself, our four kids, Shea, her hubby and their four kids. It was an absolute BLAST! (pardon the pun) We had discussed doing it again this year, but due to the fact that Hubby was scheduled the 3rd and the 4th and that we would be having BabyCakes overnight on the 3rd and into the 4th (weekday daycare took a holiday), we weren't planning on going to it. Add to that the fact that with two children on the Spectrum, one of whom needs a VERY consistent schedule - at minimum a regular sleep schedule - and the other who has developed some sensory processing issues, and how that would affect them, we made our choice.

Cephas and Koren wanted to spend some time outdoors yesterday (3rd) watching neighbors do their fireworks. I was completely fine with that. I gave them some very specific instructions. Stay away from the fireworks and ABSOLUTELY no holding or lighting fireworks. They both disobeyed and got caught. They both were given one more chance and did well with it.

Our neighbors decided to go to the lake nearby to just watch the fireworks display. It happens maybe only a mile or a mile and a half from us (as the eagle flies) but there are a lot of trees and hills between here and there and we wouldn't be able to see the display from here. They asked if Cephas could join them. I reluctantly agreed. Our bedtime around here is 8:30 year round. It seems really early in the summer, but the kids NEED it. Granted, there are times when it gets pushed back to 9:00 or sometimes even 10:00, but not much later than that at all.

The fireworks display doesn't happen til 10:00pm. It's a 22 minute show. Then there is traffic. So on and so forth. Cephas got home just before 11:00. He wanted to stay outside and watch the neighbors do some more of their fireworks. The fireworks are actually supposed to end at 11pm, but I didn't know that. I found that out afterward. But I let him and Koren both go over and watch the neighbors. The little kids were asleep inside and Hubby was too.

I sat on the porch and watched the kids and waited for BabyCakes to get dropped off as well (they had also gone to the show and had to walk back home after to drive over here). BabyCakes got dropped off, I brought him inside and put him to bed. He was out instantly. He normally goes to bed around 8:30 as well. I called for the boys to come in just before midnight. They were asleep within ten minutes as I figured they would be.

Today, everyone was up at their normal times. My kids have never figured out the whole sleeping in thing. Well, except for Koren. He'd gladly sleep in til 9am, usually. But the rest of them are usually up pretty early. They did their chores (most willingly, might I add) and earned their game time. I lost track of time and they ended up with double the amount that they were supposed to have.

Then, this afternoon, the friends starting showing up at the door, all asking for the boys to come out and play, which we allowed them to do. After awhile, we had them come in to cool off, even though they said that they were "just fine". Sorry kiddos, it is my job as your mom to be the parent and as such, I need to make sure that you ARE just fine. With this heat, you may not be able to tell the difference.

Then, they started asking if they could watch this person or that person do fireworks tonight. I told them that we would see. I knew that they were already short on sleep and after playing outside, it REALLY showed. I suggested that they go lay down and rest for a bit. They vetoed that suggestion.

They started talking about how they wanted to just be able to light this type of firework or that type of firework and I told them again, "NO fireworks. You may watch them and that is IT"

Shortly after that, they went outside to play again and both of them broke the rule and were caught lighting fireworks. They were told that if they were going to be allowed to watch fireworks in the evening, it would be from our porch. They had broken the rules again and they were done. They were not allowed to play outside, they were not allowed to watch the fireworks unless it was from our porch, they were just DONE with outdoor activities for the day.

That is when Cephas melted. Koren is eight, almost nine and he sat there, listening and quickly and quietly took his consequence for it and moved on. Cephas melted. He cried, he complained, he whined, he nagged, he kept at it. We explained, we reasoned with him, we remained firm on the issue. No matter how much he tried and tried to get his own way about it, we didn't budge. I told him that if he kept it up, he'd end up with an 8pm bedtime and miss out on everything altogether.

So then the evening came and the boys were outside on the porch to watch other people light their fireworks. I had the little kids inside, watching different displays on T.V. I asked the boys if they wanted to come in and watch the displays as well. They didn't at first. But then Cephas decided to come indoors and melt all over the living room again. So that was the end of the outdoors for him. I gave him the option of going to his room and watching out his window or laying on the couch and watching on TV. He chose his room. Koren came in as well and went to lay down because he was tired.

Cephas then came out and melted again, saying that he couldn't see anything. All the good stuff was every direction but the one that his window faced. I told him he still had the option of watching the display on TV. Koren came out and asked if he, too, could watch the TV display. We agreed to it and they fell asleep watching the display on TV (around 9:15 or so).

I know that this is an issue that will be coming up soon with Cephas' therapist. We see a behavioral therapist every other week to work on various issues with Cephas. Well, technically, we see her for Jeriah as well, but this whole post is about Cephas. So anyhow, we will see her soon and I know this will come up. I know that she will back me on these issues. And that is reassuring to know.

I am feeling a bit stressed myself right now though, because although I know that the B.T. will back me on this and Hubby obviously does as well, my mother-in-law probably won't. She is constantly pressuring me to "give him some additional freedom" and to "make his bedtime just a little bit later than the others, maybe an hour or so" and various other things like that. And it angers me. I am the one that has to make these decisions, I am the one who has to live with the consequences of my decisions on how I raise my children. Yes, I agree that my 11 year old should have a later bedtime than my 4 year old. But you know what? He can't handle it. He melts the next day if loses more than half an hour of sleep. He doesn't sleep in. We have finally gotten to the point where he is willingly staying in his room quietly (and usually without waking his brother) until 8am. He has room darkening curtains. There really isn't much more that I can do, so his bedtime will remain 8:30. He will not be allowed to play with fireworks. He will need to stay in his room quietly until 8:00am for the remainder of summer. These are all things that I am not going to budge on.

Also, with regard to the firework issue, basically, my thought on it (in addition to these ones that I had mentioned the other day) is that allowing my children to light fireworks is giving them permission to play with fire, which I don't think is okay at ANY point in time. Also, if I were to ever allow them to do it, they would have to show me that they could be personally responsible. They need to be able to be responsible and accountable for their actions - and by that definition, Koren would probably be okay to light fireworks but he's only eight. No way is he going to be allowed to do that.

Cephas mentioned camping and the fact that he is allowed to start fires in that instance. I explained that fires during camping are a tool, not a toy. It is used for warmth, for food in addition to enjoyment. But the first two are the primary reasons for a fire during camping. He is also a Scout and they have the "Leave No Trace" policy that they practice. And the last point about it, campfires (done correctly) are CONTAINED.

Speaking of fires being contained, the fire that was raging in our state's national forest (which I didn't even know existed until recently) is now 100% contained. I'm so thankful! (Oh - and wildfires - mention - 3 for 3 - got 'em all in here!)

Apart from the meltdowns, I'd say it was a pleasant 4th of July. It was a quiet day, mostly spent with just our immediate family here at home. I got some personal and family planning done, finalized some details for the remainder of the month (or mostly finalized) and just relaxed as much as possible.

How was your fourth? Did you go to a professional display or stay home and do your own? What is your take on kids and fireworks?