Company Girl Coffee Week 1

Company Girl Coffee...man, it has been awhile since I have participated in this weekly meet up!

There have been so many things lately that I could share with you all, but I am not sure where to even start.

December was an interesting month for my family. We had so many things happening all at once! For starters, the kids and I attended church services all but one Sunday, when a family Christmas coincided with services.

Jeriah, my little six year old Aspie (which is no longer an official diagnosis anymore), has been having a rough run at school since the beginning of November. He has been suspended once, has been in the Alternate Learning Environment room countless times, but December showed marked improvement for him at school.

We are pushing for Jeriah to get an IEP at school. His behavioral psychologist thinks he should have one also. The school has been extremely resistant to putting him on one, opting to exhaust every possible resource that they can. We'll see what happens though. Jeriah was in Special Education from the time he was a year and a half old until he was four and a half.

This year, at one of our meetings for Jeriah, the school recommemded that he be placed in the Differentiated Math class (which I recommended last year as he is able to do his sister's homework with ease and without instruction).

I have a feeling that by the end of this school year, he will be in both Differentiated Education and Special Education. He's just that kind of kid.

Earlier this month , when we were at church, Hubby had the day off of work and I had asked him to join us. He dropped us off at church with plans to come back after services were over to pick us up. I had a feeling, call it intuition, that he should stick around that day, but he really didn't want to and so I didn't press the issue.

Sacrament meeting went well enough. Jeriah kept his shoes (which are likely to be thrown at a moment's notice) to himself and behaved fairly well for the most part. Second hour came and it was time for our Sunday School classes. Jeriah ran off to his class and was ready before I had even gathered my bags from the meeting.

During Sunday School, Jeriah was escorted into my class by his teacher, who was holding Jeriah's hands over his head and steering him in the direction he needed to go. I excused myself from class and went out into the hall, hoping to get Jeriah back on track. It didn't work. As I struggled with him and desperately tried to reach my husband, I was quickly losing patience. It was heart-wrenching to experience. I have never had such a dificult time with any of the kids (him included) as I did that day.

When I finally got ahold of Hubby, I tearfully (partially sad, mostly angry) begged him to come back and get this child. Then I went out into the foyer to sit and wait for Hubby to show up.

The next Sunday was the one we missed for the family Christmas. By the following Sunday, I asked Hubby to please please please come to church with us. That way, I wouldn't have to miss any of my classes if Jeriah acted up. He agreed.

The plan was for Hubby to sit with us during Sacrament meeting and then to hang out in the foyer during second and third hour classes. I told him that he could bring the laptop to play on or surf the web while hewaiting for us, but that it was important that he remain there during that time so that I wouldn't miss my classes.

Jeriah didn't need to be removed that week (or the following week) so I think having Hubby there is having a positive kmpact on Jeriah.

The second week that Hubby was there, I actually did miss my Sunday School class. We sat in the foyer together and talked about a calling at church that we had been asked to consider accepting. We also discussed some activities that my church recommends that families do together each week and we went over the first lesson in the manual. I missed my class, but I felt that it was a very worthwhile cause for which to miss.

Also during the month, we had received some major acts of kindness from a church member that I barely knew by sight. Our hvac system in our home is rated for efficiency for half the square footage of our home. During the summer, our home gets very very hot and during the winter, it gets very very cold. We supplement our hvac system with either fans or space heaters.

During this month, our two best space heaters went out. They are meant for part-time, supplementary use, not the nearly full- time primary use we were needing from them. This gentleman was pulled out of his bed at 11pm to dig out two space heaters they had and bring them over with her. I had no clue that she might do that. I had posted on facebook my frustration about our hvac situation and she jumped to action.

When they dropped the heaters off, the husband said he could probably help take a look at our system and maybe come up with a partial, temporary fix. I figured, in all honesty, that it was an empty offer. But it wasn't. Within four days, he had recruited the missionaries from our ward and between the three of them, my husband and two of our boys, the hvac system was greatly improved. As it turned out, there were points in the system where the ductwork wasn't even attached to the vents that the air was supposed to be coming out of. So while the system itself still is too small, we no longer have cold air coming in through the vents.

As a result of that day, I asked the missionaries to stay for dinner, which Hubby was completely fine with. They agreed, even though I ended up stealing them away from my visiting teaching companion, who was supposed to feed them that night.

All that being said, there was a huge change in Hubby this past month. He went from not wanting to have anything to do with anyone from church (not even wanting them to come over) to not only having them over, but hosting them for dinner, attending church with us, accepting a calling at church, working to plan and implement the weekly family lessons that are recommended and being a huge encouragement to the kids and I in spiritual matters. He even attended a dinner and game night that a friend from church hosted, in which he was the only non-member present. The best part was that he really enjoyed himself. No pressure, just good family fun.

Wow. That ended up being quite the post! I have another lengthy topic, but I will save that one for next week. Have a wonderful day, ladies! It's so good to be back!

Playing Catch-Up

I feel like that is what I do with most of my time right now. It is quite crazy to be honest. But first, I have to catch you all up to where we are now:

Cephas, age 12, seventh grade, center on his football team. ADHD fairly well controlled now, ODD getting controlled, aggression well under control. Trying to parent the younger kids: still a major issue. Has a best friend he likes to hang out with. I love it because it gives him a chance to be with another kid without his own siblings around. Best friend, Andy, has an older sister but she is much older than him and lives elsewhere for her college.

Koren, age 9 but almost 10, fourth grade, first year playing football. Still very studious and loves to learn, read, build with legos and hang out with his friends. His friends mostly live near us, so he can play with them outside near our home. Starting to come into his own stronger personality, but still loves to snuggle (even with Mom!)

Oralee, age 7, second grade. Princess-turned-Diva-turned-well, a handful. Has MAJOR attitude going on most of the time, but we're working on it. I have a pretty good idea what could be causing some of it though. Loves reading, writing stories, playing with her dollhouse and art projects. Also loves having Mom do her nails and hair. Nearly impossible to get this child to wear regular shoes, as she strongly prefers calf- or knee-high boots.

Jeriah, age 5 almost 6, first grade. Still has Asperger's, still reads way above grade level. Comprehension is still closer to grade level though. Very advanced in math. Can do sister's second-grade homework with ease. Brought home his first spelling pre-test of first grade this week with a perfect score on all of the regular words, plus the bonus words were spelled correctly as well. The challenge words are not given on the pre-test, but he was able to orally spell those for me when I asked him to. Kid is a whiz with words! Socially still at a deficit, but that is to be expected. Has started to pick on his sister. (Part of her issue with being a handful anymore.) Demanded some dignity about his bedroom situation and moved from the "girly room" he shared with his sister to the room his brothers occupy. Now, we have a boys' room and a girls' room.

Yes, a girls' (as in plural) room. No, I didn't have a baby, but yes, we kind of, sort of, have another kid. You might remember Angel, a kid whose mother works with Hubby. Well, just before the school year started, Angel's mom's life turned a little bit upside down and things were pretty shaky there for a little bit. I offered to have Angel stay with us so that her Mom could get herself situated and some things worked out. Angel is now with us temporarily but indefinitely. We have no legal rights or claim to her, her mom has full custody of her, but she just happens to be with us most of the time. So:

Angel, age 5, kindergarten. Adjusting well to being here and starting school. Loves being in school and is so proud of her work. Can now write her name. We had about four months where I didn't really have her, so she may have learned how to do it in that time, but I just now know about it. Does an amazingly perfect cartwheel (I'm thinking gymnastics may be in her future here soon!) and has gotten over her quiet shyness for the most part.

So, if you are following along, that's five kids, two in football, two who are on the Autism Spectrum. Busy yet? Nope! Cephas and Koren are both still in Boy and Cub Scouts, respectively. We were considering putting Jeriah in our school's Scouting program, but in doing so, he would advance from Bear to Wolf and then transfer to his brothers' Pack/Troop and have to go back to being a Bear, because of the difference in the way they do their Scouts. And instead of having Oralee do formal Girl Scouts this year, I have strongly considered doing Juliettes with her. It's basically like Girl Scouts for homeschoolers. She would do her activities and earn her badges and all that, but we would do it independent of a group. It is basically what ended up happening in her first year as a Daisy as well. And since we have Angel, she would also do Juliettes as well.

If that isn't all enough, you might remember we have three dogs: Tink, Tiny and Freddy. Tink and Tiny are Chihuahuas and Freddy is a Cocker Spaniel. To mix things up a bit, we added a cat, Phineas or Phinny for short. When we got him, we were pretty sure that Freddy wanted to eat him, but within a few days, they got along well enough. Now, Phinny does his own thing, the dogs do their own thing and all is well.

Hubby just passed his two-year anniversary at his work. There's a lot of stress there right now because he works in a restaurant and the restaurant chain was bought out by another company late last year and they have made some changes since the purchase. Well, on top of that, his store is also going through a Revitalization Phase. They are getting a full-store remodel and they are staying open throughout the whole thing, minus only ONE day! Can you imagine?! I'm so thankful that I don't work there. On top of being fired for being insubordinate to the General Manager (he's a friend of mine), I'd want to pull my hair out at all of the changes going on.

Speaking of changes, I have a couple of new things going on in my own life. I have started back to school. I started back in classes in Spring. I took 16.5 credit hours (4 classes) during the regular 10-week quarter, 4.5 credit hours (1 class) for the accelerated 5-week quarter and another 4.5 credit hours (1 class) for the accelerated 3-week quarter. I was able to knock 25.5 credit hours out in one quarter alone. For the summer quarter, I have slowed it down to only 18 credit hours (4 classes) and for fall, I am slowing it down just a bit more to the smallest amount that I am even willing to take and will only be taking 12.5 credit hours (3 classes), although I am struggling with that decision, feeling that I should still take 4 classes. Oh - and for my crazy Spring quarter? Term GPA of 3.588.

And to finish off the changes that will catch you up the rest of the way, I have started caring for another one of Hubby's co-worker's children. Her name is Paytin. I have her only part-time as I have a traditional class during the day, three days a week which is when her parents would be needing me to watch her. Instead, I watch her on my non-class weekdays. The very first day I watched her, she was only 15 days old. I actually had to check and make sure it was legal to watch her as I do daycare part-time, but am license-exempt. It is actually because I am license-exempt that I was able to take her. Her mom went back to work before Paytin was even two weeks old. I am in awe of her, to be honest. No way was I ready to go back to work that soon after having my kids. But she is determined. Both of Paytin's parents are going to be taking college courses this fall in addition to working and raising a newborn. They are going to be taking online classes. I haven't the slightest idea how they are going to do it all, but they are young, they are in love, they are determined and they are working hard to make the best life they can for tiny little Paytin and themselves.

And I'm pretty sure that you are now all caught up with our lives here. Stay tuned though. I plan to update more than every six months.

ADHD, ODD and Aspergers, oh my!

I have talked some before about Jeriah's Aspergers and how he is doing such a fantastic job with school and social situattions, and learning and all that. And I have mentioned briefly about Cephas and his ADHD. Well, here's a little bit of an update about these two kiddos.

Jeriah is still doing an amazing job at school. He has adapted quite nicely to his school routine and to his work and expectations there. His grades at school are all at either meeting or exceeding district standards, which is amazing. At home, though, it's a different story. He has been really defiant and refuses to help out or cooperate or whatever. It's trying on a mama, let me tell you. There are some days and situations where my energy and abilities are long spent just a few hours after he wakes up. I need to schedule another appointment for him with our therapist. This mama needs some resources to deal with this very strong-willed child. He is amazingly smart and I adore him to pieces, but I'm at a point where I need some kind of resources and ideas for what to do now.

I had this same issue with Cephas at this age. It was so INCREDIBLY difficult because with Cephas, I had two younger children at this age, one of which was a baby. With Jeriah, I think it's almost worse though, because I also have Cephas at his current stage, which is taxing at this point, to say the least.

Cephas was diagnosed with ADHD last Spring ('12) and we didn't want to medicate initially. Plus, he had Midget Football, which took up a LOT of time and energy and everything else. It was something that was physically grueling for him and kept him busy enough that he was too exhausted on a regular basis to act out. And then football season ended. And then we started back in with some of the issues.

Two weeks ago, after about a month of really considering the options, we went ahead and met with someone in the psychology office who is in charge of prescribing medications. She put him on a low dose of one ADHD med for him to take that week. It's a short-acting medication and is only in his system for a very limited period of time. Then, the second week (this week), the dose was doubled and would last for twice as long. And it has done an AMAZING job for him at school. He has been able to focus and not even his best friend goofing around here and there has been much of a distraction issue while he is in school. But then, he gets home, the medication wears off and we have our hands FULL. I try to get him to do his chores and homework immediately after school while his meds are still possibly in effect, but if something comes up and we're delayed by an hour or so, the rest of the night is a complete struggle.

Anyhow, before I go into all of that, I should share about the visit that we had with his psychologist before we went to meet with the person in the office who makes the medication decisions. Anyhow, I was talking to the psychologist and told her that it often feels like in addition to his ADHD (which we have talked about and worked with at length) that it feels like he also has ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder) and sometimes a touch of depression and with all of these things combined, it's like he has bi-polar or something.

She validated my feelings about all of that and showed my Cephas' graded assessments, in which his scores were 99.99% ADHD, 99.99% ODD, 99.99% Aggression (something or other) and I was like, Oh wow. Suddenly, it all seems to make sense. It's not just me losing my mind with this child (whom I love dearly, don't get me wrong!)

So, we met with the other person and started him on this medication. We have a meeting with both women coming up this next week and I cannot wait! There's potential that we will end up giving Cephas the low-dose med after school to get him through the evening and we may end up needing to give him another one to help him sleep as well. I don't know if I have ever mentioned this, but I really and truly dislike medications, but we are at the point where there's little other choice. We cannot have him un-medicated right now. But part of the problem that we are having right now is a side effect from the med of restlessness and insomnia. He's always had sleep issues and now on top of that, he has a medication that makes him more prone to it. So, in addition to the medication wearing off around the same time that he gets home from school, he's also not sleeping well at night and he is excessively tired, yet restless at the same time. It seems to be a vicious cycle.

These past few days in particular have been extremely challenging. I think that there has been three days in a row now that have me at my wit's end. The first two days that he was on the stronger dose, we didn't really have any major issues. However, I do think that by the third day, the sleep issue was really starting to catch up with him. All I know for sure is that I cannot wait until next week to meet with both ladies. I don't know if they are going to change his med, add on to it for the evening hours, or give him a sleeping aid of some sort. I almost want to try for the sleep aid first and see if that helps with the evening hours and the restlessness and insomnia issue first. But I don't know what route would be best to go.

It seems that he functions best when he is over-scheduled. You know, there was a big thing about kids being too over-scheduled and how they don't have downtime in our society, etc for quite a while a few years back. But Cephas seems to thrive and function the best when he is constantly on the go. However, I can't do it. Even if I don't have to do all of it, I'm still the one that has to take him here, there and everywhere else and it wears me out.

Right now, we have him involved in Swim Club. (Koren is also in Swim Club, while Oralee and Jeriah are in swim lessons.) Swim Club is quite physically demanding. Koren was complaining that they pushed him too hard, but Cephas kept pace with it really well. He has to do Swim Club before he can do Swim Team. I cannot wait for him to do Swim Team. He needs that intensity. Right now, Swim Club is twice a week. After this session is over, I plan on keeping Koren in Club and putting Cephas on the Team. Hopefully that will help matters as well. Then, this Spring, Cephas will also be playing soccer, Koren will be playing flag football, Oralee will be playing volleyball and Jeriah will be in soccer as well. It's such a demanding sports schedule, but given the similarities between Cephas and Jeriah at Jeriah's current age, I think it may be very beneficial to keep him busy as well. I've also toyed with the idea of having the boys do gymnastics, as Koren wants to and so does Jeriah. Oralee wants to do dance classes.

Anyone else exhausted just thinking about this? Because I am just from typing it and trying to keep it all straight. If I am sparse in posting over the next few weeks, this is why. I'm just trying to keep up with my ASD kiddos.

I also got into a huge disagreement with one of my best friends tonight. This is someone who hasn't been around for just over six months because he was deployed for a month, then he was home for about a month and has been gone for another three months. He doesn't spend all that much time with Cephas either. But as I was talking to him about just the ADHD, ODD, the meds and the current struggle, he made the mistake of telling me that Cephas doesn't have a disorder, that he's just twelve and developing his personality and such. This friend does not have children, does not work with children, rarely is even around children, much less any Spectrum children. Needless to say, we did not exactly see eye to eye about it and our discussion got heated and in the end, I unfriended him on Facebook. I told Bree about the conversation, as her son also has ADHD and ODD, although he's three years younger than Cephas is. But she understands what I'm going through with Cephas. And while she doesn't always understand completely what I'm going through with Jeriah, she's there and she's supportive and validates what it is that I'm feeling and going through with him. This other friend did the exact opposite. I also happened to be talking to Bree on Facebook and she was also getting riled up about this other friend's attitude.

This other friend gets home from his deployment tomorrow and I unfriended him tonight. Not exactly the best timing, but I was angry. Livid, really. I also wanted to talk to his wife tonight, before he gets home tomorrow, to let her know where I stood with her husband at this point in time. Let's just say, he really isn't scoring points with anyone at this point in time. His wife said that he was lucky this conversation took place while he is deployed and that it wasn't in front of her because she'd end up telling him a thing or two herself. I used to get along with him better than I did with her, but over the last few years, I have really lost a lot of respect for him. I hate to say that and to feel that way, but that's just the way that it is. I'm really grateful though, to have rediscovered such a good friend in his wife.

Okay, so this post was in large part an update and also a vent. Sometimes, it is so hard to balance all of this stress though. Thanks for reading through this. I'm exhausted and probably a little worked up yet. And to add to the stress, I also just found out today that Hubby is going to be back to work six to seven days each week. That is going to take yet another toll on me, because I'm going to lose him as a regular resource on Sundays. Wish me luck?